[3076] Daring to venture in pursuit of marriage and happiness

Daring to venture in pursuit of marriage and happiness

Reported by staff

Written by Lydia Ma

For a younger man to marry an older woman used to be against Taiwanese tradition in the past though it has been recorded in renowned folklore. However, in the past few decades, this phenomenon has become increasingly common in Taiwan.

According to statistics from the Ministry of the Interior, in recent decades there has been a sharp decrease in the number of total marriages and a sharp increase in the average age at marriage.

In recent years, inter-ethnic and inter-religious marriages have become more common, as well as marriages between older women and younger men.

Since churches often mirror society in terms of population demographics and marriage trends, we asked Seven Stars Presbytery’s Rev. Lai Te-ching about her views on “unconventional” marriages, as well as Christians who were brave enough to venture into an “unconventional” relationship or marriage. Lai has helped orchestrate several matchmaking events for her presbytery’s young adults.

“Marriage is a gift from God! Churches should devote more time in helping young adults find their compatible match.” said Lai. She underscored that she has received a lot of positive feedback from these events, though women tend to come in greater numbers than men.

When age is not a barrier

One couple attending a church in Neihu, Taipei have been married for 18 years even though they have a 9-year age difference. According to HsiaoTung Shu-fen, she faced lot of planning her wedding because of her family’s traditional values and beliefs. Since her then-fiancé’s parents were already deceased, she didn’t encounter any problems with her husband’s family.

What surprised Tung the most was her parents’ support of the marriage though they weren’t Christians themselves. They later became very supportive as they knew she was marrying someone who was also a Christian.

Reflecting back on her marriage, Hsiao underscored that age is not a problem. Instead, she believes that sharing the same religious beliefs, which translates into similar life philosophies is the key to a good marriage because it will increase dialogue, agreement, similar interests.

When language is not a barrier

When an Aborigine Taiwanese woman and a Philippine man fall in love, what kind of romance or marriage can be expected? Uma Talavan, a Siraya Aborigine, and her husband, Edgar Macapili, a Philippine man, are a married and they communicate using a mix of Taiwanese and English.

After graduating from Tainan Theological College and Seminary, Uma Talavan travelled to the Philippines for further studies. Struggling to adjust to a new environment, she would often become ill and homesick and it was then that she met classmate Edgar Macapili, who comforted and took care of her.

“I was very touched by his kindness and affection,” she said.

“At the time, I thought she was a beautiful girl, so I decided to pursue her,” he said.

In the end their common passion for music, shared faith, and extroverted personalities drew them together and they were married 6 months later.

Surprisingly, they’ve never gotten into arguments because of their differing upbringings and cultures. Uma Talavan explained she was raised in a progressive, open-minded family where she was encouraged to explore the unknown. Similarly, Edgar Macapili was raised in Philippines’ Bisaya culture, which emphasized on being generous and easy-going people.

According to Uma Talavan, theirs is an ordinary marriage and family, much like everybody else’s, which means that discussing and accommodating each other’s needs once in a while is inevitable, but she doesn’t see these differences as cultural in nature.

When religious affiliation is not a barrier

Many Christian women hope that their other half shares the same faith as they do, but “Miss Chang”, a woman who works at a Christian non-profit organization, feels more at ease with her boyfriend precisely because he isn’t a Christian.

Miss Chang admitted that it’s a relief to date someone outside of the church circle because pressure can be enormous when everyone’s eyes are on a couple and elders are so overprotective.

As long as her non-Christian boyfriend, who hails from a traditional family and practices folk religion like the rest of his family, respects her religious beliefs and doesn’t force her to worship or burn incense to idols, Miss Chang feels it’s enough for her.

She confided that after a previous break-up, she realized what she valued most in a future husband was shared hobbies – including love for photography, love for Japanese culture, fluency in Japanese language – and shared political ideologies.

Her boyfriend studied in Japan and loves Kyoto most of all. Whenever the two talk about Japan, the enthusiasm in their voices and eyes is obvious.

Miss Chang underscored that in her previous relationship, she didn’t insist on sharing common interests and common political ideologies, which led to many fights and disagreements. These experiences led her to realize that, in Taiwan, a person’s political views very often reflect a person’s values and identity.

“That is why sharing similar political views is more important than sharing a common religion!” she concluded.

What is the real determining factor?

One young man was invited to church to join the church choir while he was in senior high school. He became an active church member by the time he went to college, taking part in Bible studies, fellowship meetings and even missions to rural churches.

While attending a PCT Bible Study Camp, he met a girl from another church who happened to be a pastor’s daughter.

Though the young man wanted to date and eventually marry this girl whom he loved, things turned sour as soon as he met her parents.

Now, years later, the young man is already married to a non-Christian woman and a father himself. Though he believes in Jesus, he feels alienated from church and has yet to be baptized.

Remembering that painful breakup, he wonders if the real reason the parents of that girl rejected him was truly because he was not “officially” a Christian. He wonders if the girl’s parents would’ve rejected him had he been a medical student at the time on his way to a lucrative medical career. If he were a medical student, would they have told their daughter, “It’s okay. You can date him and share the gospel as you guys get to know each other”?

This is a true story that happened in a PCT campus fellowship. Though there are many tragic romances in the world and there really aren’t any hard and fast rules when it comes to choosing a husband or a wife, this story does present Christians with a thought-provoking question: What “common denominators” do we truly seek in a prospective husband/wife? Is it truly to be “equally yoked” in religious beliefs first and foremost? Or is it more about being “equally yoked” in wealth, pedigree, thought processes etc. just like the rest of the world?